Are You Married to a Narcissist?
When you met your spouse, did it seem like love at first sight? Was there a familiarity to them and a feeling that you were somehow drawn to them? Soon after you said “I do,” did they begin to change? Were they giving you less attention and making everything about them? Did they show fits of rage or suddenly start giving you the silent treatment?
If you can answer yes to most or all of these questions, there’s a very good chance you married a narcissist. Still not sure? Here are some common warning signs:
For narcissists, the focus is always on THEM. This means while your own needs are placed on the back burner. your spouse may expect you to meet their needs 24/7. If you find they take ALL of the time and your giving is never enough, you may be married to a narcissist.
Narcissists actually have low self-esteem even though they talk a good game. This also makes it very easy for them to become jealous and controlling. And not just about anyone interested in your romantically, but ANYONE who can take focus off of them, including children, pets and other friends and family members. This jealousy will trigger intense rage as you are the source of their narcissistic supply.
Narcissists all have the same power play and that is to project their own behaviors onto others. You see politicians do this all of the time. Your spouse may say that you are needy or have anger issues, and in your head, you are feeling like something is really wrong with you. They are “gas-lighting” you. This the process of manipulating a person by forcing them to question their thoughts, memories, and the events occurring around them. A victim of gaslighting can be pushed so far that they question their own sanity.
No (or Fake) Apologies
Narcissists have no empathy. That is, they truly don’t have the ability to look at something from another person’s perspective. You may be hurting or having a bad day, but your spouse seems completely uninterested. They ARE uninterested.
No empathy also makes it hard for them to take any responsibility for their behaviors and actions. But they have enough awareness to know they should at least make it LOOK as if they care, so they will throw you a hollow apology every so often.
Narcissistic abuse is very real, and if you have been the victim, you most likely feel exhausted and shell-shocked, lacking confidence and self-worth. If you would like to talk to someone about this, please be in touch with me. I would be happy to discuss how I may be able to help you heal from the abuse you’ve endured.
Tami Vienn Allen,LPC
Allen Counseling Group